The Price of Being Noble
by xinglongneo
Summary: Now that her exile is over, Shihouin Yoruichi has been informed by the council of elders that she must, indeed, marry and reproduce. It doesn't help that she feels like a brood mare.
1. They're all present

Shihouin Yoruichi wanted little more than to relax. She wasn't actually a captain anymore (thank God, she had already had nightmares about the amount of paperwork that they had to be doing at the moment, she really didn't want to be doing it), but she was still tired, and had be required to write reports for the Gotei-13 concerning certain events even if she really wasn't a member of the Gotei-13 (though she had been at one point, she most certainly wasn't now). Now she was just looking forward to a couple of days of relaxing, not really having to worry about anything but what she was going to eat that day.

One of the good things that had happened was that her exile had been revoked, as had Kisuke's and Tessa's. Yoruichi was the only one making good use of that change at the moment, as Kisuke and Tessa had the shop to run, and the shop was actually fairly important – not only was it Kisuke's lab (and it had taken him the last 100 years to get it exactly perfect, apparently, and he didn't want to move it), it also provided a good place for the shinigami to base their operations in Karakura Town and was a good source of supplies for said shinigami.

Yoruichi, however, was most definitely not as attached to the human world as Kisuke, who had stayed put for the century they'd been in exile. Yoruichi had ranged further and seen more, and even though the Seireitei wasn't exactly great, it still was, in Yoruichi's opinion, better than the living world. So she had returned, not only because she found it preferable, but also because she was still part of the Shihouin family, and therefore still nobility and still required to perform the duties associated with being noble.

Which is why she wasn't completely surprised to see a Shihouin messenger on her doorstep, even though she really didn't want him there. And apparently, glaring did nothing to make him go away. It did however, making him sweat and look very uncomfortable. He fidgeted as Yoruichi approached and then collapsed on her porch, right near her door. A few minutes of uncomfortable (for the messenger) silence passed before he realized that Yoruichi wasn't going to invite him in.

Yoruichi did realize that it was bad manners to keep the messenger (and a high-ranking one, too) on her doorstep and then glare at him. At that moment, Yoruichi was in no mood to be sociable or kind, and she was definitely not in the mood to make tea and act like she actually gave a damn about what he was saying. She merely folded her arms over her chest and waited for him to start talking.

He cleared his throat nervously and then began. "The Shihouin elders request your presence," he managed to get out.

"When?" she asked brusquely, massaging her temples.

"Immediately," he replied.

She stood, brushing herself. Immediately was immediately. Never mind the fact that she was hungry, and tired, and wanted so desperately to soak in some nice, warm water for something like three hours… Yoruichi shook her head. She just wanted this to be over with, so she could do all of those things, and hopefully get to Suìfēng's home (and thereby, food) before it was too late. Which, knowing the elders, was completely unavoidable.

Well, if her day hadn't been shot to hell before, it most certainly was now. Couldn't they have waited until tomorrow? Or better yet, _never_? It was probably just some little minor thing that could've 

been left alone for the rest of Yoruichi's lifetime without becoming the slightest bit more important. Not that it mattered in anyway to the elders.

It was only when the elders' domain loomed in front of her that Yoruichi realized she'd made the entire trip on auto-pilot, and now had to face the crotchety old bunch. She spent a couple of minutes trying to approximate her normal mood as glaring and looking otherwise malcontent most certainly wouldn't help her, and it would give them something less to gripe about. Even though they really didn't like how she acted most of the time anyway. They often asked why she couldn't be more like Byakuya.

Those were the times that she was glad that she had actually paid attention when her mother was trying to drill self-control into her head. It had taken all she had to not laugh, and she was eternally thankful that she looked perpetually amused (most of the time, she was amused). Byakuya merely projected that he was a well-behaved nobleman, but he was obviously not, if his marriage to Hisana proved anything. Yoruichi was just sure that the elders conveniently forgot that transgression.

Yoruichi slightly straightened her clothing slightly and entered the building with her trademark grin. She was quickly ushered into the main chamber, where she was surprised to find all of the Shihouin elders in attendance. There was always at least five or so missing (five was the smallest amount of elders she'd ever seen missing, and that had been when she ascended to the head of the clan), usually something more like ten or twenty, but now every single last one of them was present.

This most definitely did not bode well. Yoruichi managed to keep the shock off of her face and not to falter (both would have been disastrous in front of all of the elders) and situated herself quite easily in front of the ten great elders. They all glowered at her from their chairs while she sat down in the traditional kneeling position (which was actually quite uncomfortable), and waited beneath all of those glittering, disapproving eyes, to begin.

It was the Head Elder – Yoruichi knew him as nothing else, apparently, when you became an elder you also gave up your individuality – who cleared his throat and began to speak. "As the last remaining scion of the Shihouin main house after the death of your father," he started, pompous as always. Yoruichi nearly laughed at the 'last remaining scion' part, and to keep herself from doing so, mentally added 'legitimate' (or at least to make it true). Her father had sired at least ten bastards, and those were just those that she had found. If they really needed an heir, they had their pick of the crop. Of course, choosing one of the bastards (who would never be acknowledged as that was against tradition) were ignored by the elders and deemed a pervasive lie meant to sully the name of Yoruichi's late father. Not that he had ever needed anyone else's help in sullying his name.

Ah, but he was continuing, "It is your duty to reproduce and continue the line." This was nothing new to Yoruichi, who had been told this since before she could remember – probably since the moment she came out of her mother and was deemed to be alive. She hadn't, to date, done much about it.

"Since your exile has now been revoked, we have decided that it is time that you marry and reproduce," he stated. Yoruichi could feel the dread creeping up on her. They'd never gone through this part before – it was always something about considering the fact that she must eventually have to turn her focus to more clan related activities. It also didn't help that she felt like a brood mare every time they brought up that topic of conversation.

"If we do not see you actively trying to find a mate" – Yoruichi again felt like a brood mare, no surprise here – "We will pick one for you. Also try not to take too long, as time is running out."

Yoruichi sat there for a couple of minutes, still grinning and acting like they had said nothing out of the ordinary. And once her brain began to function and realize that he actually said that, there was only one thought running through her head.

_Oh shit._


	2. Frying Pans and Cuddling

It took Yoruichi several moments to recover from the initial shock of the Head Elder's announcement. By that time, he had decided that she just wasn't paying attention to him and so decided to chastise her. "I would consider that you pay attention to the important things in life at some point," he said darkly, his eyes piercing her – or trying to.

She was trying not to be mischievous, but it was rather difficult. "But I do pay attention to the important things in life," she protested. She let the unsaid insult hang in the air, getting a good sense of satisfaction at watching the Head Elder turn a rather unprecedented shade of purple.

While the Head Elder was calming himself, his right-hand man, er, woman, decided to step in. "If that is your opinion, then we shall prepare a match for you," she said, her voice tight with fury. Always there was punishment. Not like it couldn't be avoided.

Yoruichi sighed, and went for the direct approach. "You do realize that Byakuya has absolutely no interest in marrying me – you should since you already tried to arrange a match between us, and Shunsui's gay, right? Or are you referring to Kuukaku when you say you'll pick one for me? I'm so proud of your progress into the future!"

The Head Elder drew himself up to his full (sitting) height, having recovered from Yoruichi's slightly indirect insult. "Shall we impose a time limit, then?" he asked darkly.

"Shall I just run away from the Soul Society, then?" she retorted, taking some sort of pleasure in watching him deflate, "Besides, Kuukaku is one-armed, not gay." With that, she stood, bowed, and then fled as fast as you can without looking like you were fleeing.

It was dark when she got outside, which meant she'd probably missed the deadline for dinner at Suìfēng's. However, it was likely the shorter woman (Yoruichi was slightly glad at times that there was someone in the Seireitei shorter than she that wasn't a child) might still be up and about and have some leftovers for Yoruichi to eat. It was actually highly unlikely, but that was what Yoruichi really wanted to be true at this point in time. She just wanted something to go _slightly _her way before she fell into bed.

As she approached the (incredibly) secluded dwelling that was Suìfēng's home, she realized her day had gone from bad to downright miserably horrific. The lights were all off, and she could barely see the house. With a sigh and slumped shoulders (and a completely empty belly) Yoruichi turned around and headed back to the place she called home.

Or started to, but then she remembered that her mother was there and she definitely had heard the news about Yoruichi needing to marry and reproduce (Yoruichi felt like a brood mare at the thought), and the woman had been pestering Yoruichi about grandchildren and 'continuing the great family name' since long before she had run away and been exiled. As such, she was probably waiting for her only offspring to come home so she could pester her even more.

On second thought, Suìfēng's porch looked fairly comfortable…and silent. Very silent. That was good. Besides, it wasn't like she hadn't slept in worse places.

And so Yoruichi settled down on Suìfēng's porch to get some shut-eye. And maybe, if she was lucky, maybe she'd get some food when Suìfēng woke up. Whenever that was. Hopefully sometime before she died of starvation.

Suìfēng awoke knowing that there was something off. As she lived by herself far away from most civilization (she could, after all, only take her vice-captain and the rest of the Seireitei for so long), she knew what should and shouldn't be around. The reiatsu of another captain-class shinigami was definitely under the 'shouldn't' list.

Fully awake, Suìfēng arose from her futon and went to her kitchen to retrieve a frying pan (which was just as effective – if not more so – than her zanpakutou) and stealthily made her way out to the porch, where the intruder lurked. She edged the door open, wincing at the noise it made (even if she could barely make it out herself), and glided onto the porch.

There. A lump had made itself comfortable on her porch, seemingly fast asleep. Something about the reiatsu was familiar, but Suìfēng was just a little too sleep deprived to place it, even as it niggled at the back of her head. She readied her frying pan, and then brought it down with frightening accuracy.

Luckily, her intruder was a deep sleeper and unluckily Suìfēng hadn't gotten enough sleep recently, so her blow was a little off of a killing blow. Her target shifted and muttered in their sleep (though the voice sounded decidedly feminine), but somehow managed to stay asleep until they rolled off of Suìfēng's porch, again narrowly missing being killed by a certain captain.

"Holy crap!" Yoruichi exclaimed, "It's me! It's Yoruichi! Put that down!"

Yoruichi's declaration seemed to snap Suìfēng out of her daze enough for her to think properly again. "Yoruichi? The hell are you doing here?"

"Well," she began, "I was sleeping, until I fell off of your porch."

"I meant what were you doing on my porch in the first place?" Suìfēng said, looking tired and highly unamused.

"Um, in the beginning I was here for food," Yoruichi began sheepishly while Suìfēng continued looking like she had just gotten some very painful shots, "but you were asleep so I just stayed on your porch. And, I, um, didn't go home because I didn't want to face my mother."

"So you slept on my porch instead?" Suìfēng asked, deadpan.

"It's a very comfortable porch!" Yoruichi said defensively, "And it's covered incase it rains."

Suìfēng sighed. She just wanted to sleep. "You might as well come inside, but I only have one futon," she informed Yoruichi curtly, too tired to be overly formal or tactful.

"That's okay," Yoruichi grinned, "We'll share."

Suìfēng shrugged and put away her frying pan before returning to her futon, which Yoruichi had already moved into. She sighed before crawling in as well, pulling the covers up to her chin and prepared to be assaulted. Yoruichi cuddled while she slept. In fact, in her own bed she had two pillows – one to 

actually sleep on and one to strangle. So whenever she ended up in Suìfēng's bed, Suìfēng was a replacement for her normal squeezing pillow.

It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, Suìfēng just wished that Yoruichi had put some sort or left some sort of clothing on before she'd jumped into Suìfēng's futon.


End file.
